Snazzy Snippets

11:45 AM Gemma Fitz 11 Comments

I normally don't do stuff like this, but since it's been more than a week since my last post, and I can't seem to get any of my ideas written out fast enough, I thought I'd go ahead and participate in this lovely link-up hosted by Alyssa@The Devil Orders Takeout and Emily@The Loony Literate. (Click the links for more information about the link-up.)
1. A Snippet with Food
This is from my long-term YA sci-fi/thriller WIP, which is switching between the two titles "Splitting Atoms" and "Where Lines Don't Cross" currently. Hopefully drinks count?
"Can you have orange Fanta, Avis?" asked David, standing up and heading for the fridge.
Avis shook her head. "Thanks anyway."
He stared at her in mock shock. "How do you survive?" His voice slid up and dragged out the syllables in a perfect imitation of Audri.
Avis smiled in spite of herself and Audri tossed her head.
"There isn't any Fanta, anyway," she informed them. "Mom was in a hurry at the store and accidentally grabbed the Crush. Come on, it won't kill you, David."
He didn't look convinced. "Are you suggesting that I pollute my intestines with that-- that poison?" he hissed. "Are you somehow not aware that that stuff is brewed in hell itself?"
"Dude, Crush and Fanta taste exactly the same," said Dylan mildly.
"Sacrilege!" cried David.
Audri rolled her eyes. "You're overreacting-- don't be such a drama queen. Just go get yourself a ginger ale or something."
"I don't like ginger ale," grumbled David. "I'll just have water."
 David is very brand loyal. And obsessed with orange Fanta. And altogether adorable.

2. A Snippet I'm Really Proud Of
This is also from "Splitting Atoms". I'm not really proud of any of my writing-- it's all pretty sucky-- but I think this excerpt is funny, and I guess I'm a little proud of it.
Think. Think. She ran her mind over the list of priorities Damian had drilled into her head.
  1. Don't die.
  2. Don't lead them back to headquarters.
  3. Get the file.
  4. Don't let them see your face.
  5. Don't get hurt.
Getting the file was only third on the list. There'd been failed missions before now; there'd be failed missions in the future. If this one failed, no big deal. It was only third priority.
Of course, "Don't get hurt," was only fifth priority, which Avis wasn't particularly happy about. Obviously Damian's priorities were screwed.
 
3. The First Paragraphs of My WIP
I currently really dislike the first couple paragraphs of "Splitting Atoms", so here's a snippet from the YA/NA science fiction novel I wrote in July, entitled "The World from Scratch".
White walls, white tiles. Over the nurse's shoulder, clad in white scrubs, that was all I could see, save an occasional white door, opening into a white room, to break the monotony.
Many of the rooms had occupants: both men and women, each with his or her own white nurse. As we passed one room, I glimpsed a girl sitting on the edge of the white hospital bed. Her eyes flickered to mine for a moment, nervous and startled, then flickered away and we had passed.
The nurse led me into my own stark white chamber and motioned to the bed. "Make yourself comfortable." She smiled, lipstick the colour of pink bubblegum outlining flawless teeth. "We've got just a few extra minutes to review the procedure."
Obviously I have some editing to do, but there you have it.

I have a very important question for you today: do you prefer orange Crush or orange Fanta? Also, if you're participating in Snazzy Snippets, please leave a link to your post in the comments and I'll check it out!

11 comments:

  1. Oh goodness fanta is sooo much better. THANK YOU.
    -JH

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    1. YESSS, YOU ARE DAVID'S NEW BEST FRIEND. It is sooo much better.\

      Thanks for commenting!

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  2. Crush is gross. :P Awesome excerpts!

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    1. It is gross. My boss once brought me a Crush instead of a Fanta at work and I couldn't say no because that would be rude and a little piece of me died inside as I drank it. :( Thank you!

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  3. The first one is awesome!

    But I like the second one best! It made me laugh. I would think something's wrong with those priorities too. XD

    I really want to do this! I think it'll be fun.

    I don't like Crush or Fanta. It's Sunkist for me. ;) Sorry David!

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    1. Thank you! You should totally do this! I'd love to see your excerpts!

      Hmm... I haven't actually had Sunkist. I'll have to try it sometime (don't kill me, David).

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  4. Orange fanta-obsessed David sounds so cute! The priorities list is quite chilling, though. Personally, I prefer the title Splitting Atoms, but that's just me! The very lab-like setting of your third snippet gives me the shivers too.

    Thanks for linking up with us, Gemma!

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    1. David's kinda my favourite character. My problem with the title is I like Splitting Atoms better, but it doesn't have as much to do with the story.

      Thanks for commenting!

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  5. It's Fanta for me! Your writing isn't sucky at ALL! I thought they were pretty good actually. I was able to get a good sense of the characters' personality. And in the second excerpt I grasped thee sutuation in which the character was in. I hope I'll get to read more of your writing:)

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  6. I don't actually even know what Crush is. Never herad of it. Maybe they only sell it in the US (I live in the UK) or maybe I've just never noticed them.

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    1. Thank you so much! I'm glad you liked them! And I don't know if they sell Crush in the UK or not, but it wouldn't surprise me if not. It's not as good as Fanta, so why would they? :P

      Delete

I adore comments! Just keep it clean and respectful...please no profanity and while I respect people's opinions and love a good argument, simply bashing my post is obviously not appreciated. :)